We normally don’t consider the desert to be both a wilderness and, at the same time, a paradise, but the desert fathers saw things from a unique perspective. For them, life in the desert was one of great spiritual richness and abundance. But the desert was also a place where we confronted our darkest demons.
Henri Nouwen writes:
“Thus the desert is the fearful wilderness inhabited by the demons and the paradise where the first human beings lived in harmony with God and creation. We find here the core reality of the spiritual life. The spiritual life is the life in which we come to see God, but also the demons.
“I have often wondered why there is such an immense resistance in us to be with God. Why do we find prayer so hard; why do we always prefer to be busy instead of praying? If God really exists and loves us, if he only wants to show us his love, why then is it so hard to give ourselves to him? Because when we enter into communion with God, we have to face our demons, too. We have to face our greed, our anger, our lust, our rebellious nature, and our deep resentment against God himself. As long as we are busy and distracted, we never really have to deal with who we are.”
Underline that last sentence. When we are distracted, we can’t see clearly who we are. Instead, we can only see who it is that we want to see. When we are distracted, we believe the lies that we feel comfortable telling ourselves and wrap ourselves in self-deception. Three quotes reveal how serious this is.
Fyodor Dostoevsky wrote:
“Lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others.”
Derek Landy adds:
“The lies we tell other people are nothing to the lies we tell ourselves.”
Henri Nouwen gives us this insight:
“One of the tragedies of our life is that we keep forgetting who we are.”
Four stories from the desert fathers that speak to who we truly are (whether or not we want to admit it).
“A brother asked Abba Pambo, ‘Why do the spirits hold me back from doing good to my neighbor?’ Abba Pambo replied, ‘Do not talk like that, or you will make God a liar. Why don’t you say, “I don’t want to be kind at all?” Remember, God has said, “I have given you the power to tread upon scorpions and serpents, and over all the strengths of the Enemy.” The question is, “Why aren’t you stamping down the evil spirit?’” [Nomura, page 52]
“One day, John the Little said to his older brother, ‘I want to be free from care and not to work, but to worship God without interruption.’ And so, John took off his robe and went into the desert. After staying there one week, he returned to his brother. And when he knocked on the door, his brother asked without opening it, ‘Who is it?’ John replied, ‘It is John, your brother.’ The brother said, ‘John has become an angel and is not among people anymore.’ John begged him to open the door saying, ‘It is me! Please, open the door!’ But his brother refused and left him there in distress until the next morning. When he finally opened the door, he said to John, ‘If you are a human being, you have to work again in order to live.’ John repented saying, ‘Forgive me, brother, for I was wrong.’” [Nomura, pages 12-13]
“A brother who had sinned was expelled by the priest from the church, but Abba Bessarion stood up and went out with him, saying, ‘I too am a sinner.’” [Ward, page 42]
“Abba Sarmatas said, ‘I prefer a person who has sinned if he knows that he sinned and has repented, over a person who has not sinned and considers himself to be righteous.’” [Nomura, page 73]
Three Questions to Ponder
Why do you think you have such an immense resistance to be with God?
On what things do you place blame or what excuses do you offer for your failure to be who God has called you to be?
Which is the more spiritual person: someone who has sinned and has repented or someone who has never sinned? Why?
References:
Desert Wisdom, Yushi Nomura, Orbis Books, 1982 (Henri Nouwen wrote the epilogue)
The Sayings of the Desert Fathers: An Alphabetical Collection, Benedicta Ward, Cistercian Publications, 1975
