“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned.
Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”
(Luke 6:37)

I know, it is hard to understand. And that is why we have so many replicas that try to make sense out of it. For instance, Percy Colson said: “Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so intensely.” I guess that makes some kind of twisted sense, but if we are going in that direction, we need more. We need Isaac Friedmann who said: “Forgiveness is the sweetest revenge.” If only I knew my granting forgiveness enacted a measure of revenge upon my enemies, then I would forgive far more freely. After all, I am way more in favor of getting revenge than in forgiving and forgetting. But does it? I am not so sure. That’s why this quote from John F. Kennedy makes even more sense, “Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.” Paulo Coelho make the hidden assumption obvious. He wrote: “Forgive but do not forget, or you will be hurt again.” But maybe it is Thomas Szasz who sees things most clearly: “The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.” The path forward, apparently, is to be neither stupid nor naïve. We need to forgive, but we should never forget, but we should forgive because it is best for our mental health. Harriet Nelson writes: “Forgive all who have offended you, not for them, but for yourself.” And just like that, my offering forgiveness, far from being a selfless act of grace, becomes selfish through and through. And, as if we needed to add one more nuance to the mix, the Latin poet Ausonius wrote, “Forgive many things in others; nothing in yourself.” Forgive others for their inexcusable behavior toward you, but never forgive or forget your own mistakes or bad conduct. And with that, we’ve gone to forgiving those who sin against us because it frees us, but never forgive ourselves when we sin against others. It seems to me we have traded one form of slavery for another. 

But I understand why we needed these quotes. Jesus’ command to forgive others seems incredibly difficult to keep, and all of us could envision certain crimes against people that seem far beyond our ability to forgive or even beyond our sense of justice. Yes, Jesus forgave his executioners, saying (Luke 23:24): “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing?” But what are we to do when those who torment us know exactly what they are doing and relish in it? How are we to forgive them? Jesus seems to overstep what is right and just and healthy here. And yet, he intentionally takes that step and not just once, but many times and in many different ways. He says . . .

  • “Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” (Luke 6:37)
  • “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.” (Mt. 5:38-39)
  • “‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven.” (Mt. 5:43-45)
  • “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Mt. 6:14-15)
  • “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” (Mark 11:25)
  • “So watch yourselves. ‘If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying “I repent,” you must forgive them.’” (Luke 17:3-4)

Jesus again and again wants to impress upon us this rule: If we have been forgiven of our sins, then, as his disciples, we need to forgive those who sin against us. We have seen this principle before, but it is one that we constantly need to be reminded of because it is so easy for us to forget: We who have received grace, must bestow grace on others. We who have received mercy, must bestow mercy. And now, we who have received pardon, must pardon others. C.S. Lewis explains it this way: “To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.” 

And yet, our understanding of the principle often does little to help us live it out. We are people who want to hold on to our rights and our place at the center of the universe. And that is why Jesus told the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant to remind us of who we are and of what we have been forgiven. The parable is found in Matthew 18. Peter is looking for a pat on the back, and so he goes to Jesus and tells him that he is willing to forgive a brother or sister who sins against him a magnanimous seven times. Jesus derails Peter’s hopes right there and tells him that seven times isn’t close to the requirement. Just to get in the door, he would need to forgive them seventy-seven times. Peter is shocked at Jesus’ insane imperative. Seventy-seven times means we will continually be opening the door for us to be hurt again. Jesus senses Peter’s hardness of heart, and so he offers him a parable to help him situate himself properly in the story of God’s redemption. A king wants to settle his accounts, and so he calls in a man who owes him, by today’s estimate, a billion or so dollars. Sadly, the man can’t pay any of it back. But the king forgives the debt and lets him go. On his way out the door, he encounters a man who owes him roughly a thousand dollars; and when the man can’t pay back this smaller debt, he has him thrown into jail. And when the servants hear of his appalling action, they run to the king and inform him of all that took place. And the king is enraged. He says to the man (Mt. 18:32-33): “‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’” And he throws the man into prison to be tortured. And then, Jesus says these chilling words (Mt. 18:35): “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.” And there it is. When we refuse to forgive others, we forfeit our own forgiveness. According to Jesus, forgiving others is not an option. It is an essential element of our discipleship. But it is not because by forgiving others we earn grace from God, but it’s only by forgiving others that we fully grasp the grace we have already been given. 

Norman Cousins said, “Life is an adventure in forgiveness.” While that is true, it is more important for us to realize that “following Jesus is an adventure in forgiveness.” The follower of Jesus will never forget: If we seek to forgive others, we will find our own forgiveness. You could be forgiven for not understanding a lot of things, but do not forget that.